What causes the feeling of loneliness? Is it the lack of people around? Is it the way that you’re treated? Is it an absence of care or love?

Everyone gets this feeling at one point, all for varying reasons. Reasons that make sense. Valid, recognizable reasons. So tell me, why is it I’m getting this feeling when there’s a table full of friends right in front of me?

I know my friends like me; they wouldn’t be sitting near me if they didn’t. In fact, I wouldn’t even be here if they didn’t like me. They wouldn’t have invited me. And it’s not like they’re not talking to me; they do their best to include me in conversation and whatever kind of shenanigans they get into. So maybe it’s just the moments in between where I’m not included are the moments when the feeling comes on.

When the feeling comes on, it comes on strong. It’s like a light switch that gets flipped the moment someone turns away from me to talk to someone else. The flip of that switch turns on not only loneliness but also dissociation.

The longer they are turned away, the further I drift. I think about the times I was left alone like this before, which leads to unwanted memories of the past, and soon enough I’m fully enveloped by a memory of something that I should have let go of years ago. Something that haunts me every night and something I try to forget about every morning. The words on the wall become blurry and their conversation fades into noise. I don’t know if I’m supposed to be here.

Would they notice if I were gone?

They turn back to me and remind me of an old inside joke. I laugh and the switch is flipped off. I guess they would notice. The switch will be flipped again the next time I’m not included, but for now, I’m OK.

The truth about loneliness is you’re going to feel it, no matter who you are or how many friends you have. Maybe you won’t feel it to the extent that I do, or maybe you’ll feel it to an even greater degree. But you’ll feel it, and that’s OK.

It’s OK to feel lonely, and it’s OK to be sad. Although you may feel alone, you are never really alone. And you might feel like your absence wouldn’t be noticed, but it will always be noticed by someone. There will always be someone that comes around to prove to you that you aren’t alone, and your presence is worth something.

You Aren’t Alone

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