Rating Halloween Candy as Someone Who Hates Food

Photo+by+Sebbi+Strauch+on+Unsplash.

Photo by Sebbi Strauch on Unsplash.

Autumn Brazele, Editor

I’ve always been an incredibly picky eater. I’m autistic, and have a lot of trouble with the sensory aspects of food, and therefore have INCREDIBLY strong opinions on Halloween candy. Any other opinions are invalid and will immediately terminate your friendship with me.

 

Candy Corn — 11/10

Despite being a classic choice for Halloween, candy corn has gone down as one of the most commonly hated candies for trick-or-treaters. Personally, I don’t think it deserves this hate AT ALL—  with a nice, chewy texture, unique flavor that isn’t overused (*cough cough chocolate*) and colorful distinctive appearance, this has quickly become my absolute favorite Halloween candy. 

 

Almond Joy — 6/10

Over the years I have grown a reputation amongst my friends and family as the person who you dump all your spare Almond Joys on. Why does everyone hate these? To me, it’s the same as every other cheap chocolate bar— the flavor is a bit overdone, but they’re still delicious every time.

 

Licorice — 5/10

When I became severely lactose intolerant, I was quickly familiarized with the taste of Red Vines. Being one of the cheapest candies to be almost completely allergen free, it’s the dairy free option offered at almost every function that has candy. Sure, they’re not *bad*, and the texture is admittedly pretty nice, but I’d appreciate a bit more variety.

 

Skittles — 10/10

These are one of my absolute favorite candies. The fun colors, the variety in flavors, the fruity taste— this candy is truly to die for.

 

White chocolate — 10/10

This is an unpopular choice, and I have absolutely no idea why. While it isn’t technically a “real” kind of chocolate, it still earns its place as my favorite variant of chocolate-based Halloween candies.

 

Milk chocolate — 7/10

Milk chocolate is the base for almost halloween candy, and for me, it just gets old. While milk chocolate isn’t necessarily bad, it’s often very poor quality and makes my mouth hurt after having too much.

 

Dark chocolate — -10/10

I hate dark chocolate. Being lactose intolerant, this is what I’m mostly stuck with, but it’s SO bitter. People who like this are lying— it’s just objectively bad. 

 

Sour Patch Kids — 9/10

I absolutely love fruit flavored candies, so these are a favorite of mine. They’re not too sour for me, and I’m usually not a big fan of sour candies. They lose one point for making my mouth hurt.

 

These are the only valid choices of halloween candy. Nothing else is worth reviewing because it’s not good. Assume all other options earn 0/10.